Marauder The Slash Nymph, NEW MOM (marauderthesn) wrote in themandrake,
Marauder The Slash Nymph, NEW MOM

Issue Nine

The Mandrake
HP Fandom's Finest News Source

Ultimate "What Do You Think?" Edition

What Do You Think?

Daniel Radcliffe will star in the play Equus playing a mentally disturbed boy, a role that requires him to simulate sexual pleasure while riding a horse. What do you think?

"Is the horse a palomino? If it's not a palomino, I can't believe Dan would consent to get his rocks off with an inferiorly sexy horse breed."
Death For Breakfast, Firenze fan

"Well, of course he's disturbed. Uncle Vernon is his psychiatrist."
Miranda Marner, high school teacher

"If he has to cry and yell, 'He was their friend!', this production is so screwed."
freebuckbeak, Kloves hater

"I've never really liked horses."
Wolverina X, mod

"Forget the part about the horses, he has to get naked with a girl as well, doesn't he? Seeing as I know she'll be a fugly whore who can't act and doesn't deserve to meet Dan and sucks more than a black hole, I've got my first hate letter drafted already."
Kelly Radcliffe, stalker

"My little sister just heard about this. Now she's putting her Harry action figure on her My Little Pony and digging through my mom's sewing stuff for a needle so he can blind it."
Althea Potter, lead guitarist for Peter, Susan, Edgar, and Lucius

What Do You Think?
At a recent reading, JKR said during a question and answer session that Dumbledore is really and truly dead. What do you think?

"Well, seeing as he was weak from getting the fake horcrux, got AK'ed by Snape, fell off the tower, and got buried, that was kinda my guess."
SwordMaster, casual reader

"Yep, I knew it. Somebody cue 'Flight of the Bumblebee'."
Devious Snorkack, beta

"But he can't be. He just can't. Who else will deliver the cliched and melodramatic narration for the Pensieve soap operas?"
Zacharias the Heir, Tom Senior/Merope shipper

"...and when you hear thunder in the distance, don't be afraid, because Dumbledore is playing tenpin bowling with the angels and smiling down on us all. Please forward this e-mail to ten people and pass on the message of hope."
Mary Claire Peterson, Chicken Soup for the Soul fan

"He's probably off making up for lost time, nudge nudge, wink wink, with Nicolas Flamel. Because they were partners. Canon, people, read the Chocolate Frog card."
EwokGirl, captain of the HMS Golden Years, Golden Love

"But is Broderick Bode really dead? That's the question on everyone's minds."
Radish Earrings, conspiracy theorist

What Do You Think?
In the last few months, pictures of Emma Watson with an empty or partially empty beer bottle in her hand have been circulating the Internet. What do you think?

"They're fake. I have it on good authority that Emma drinks Guiness, not Corona."
Carter, Internet gossip columnist

"See, this is what happens when they don't make the actors pay attention to the books. If Emma had remembered GoF, she would have learned from the example of Winky and not been a drunken moron."
Nymph of the Spring, canon purist

"Eh, she's doing pretty good, for a child star. I'm not going to worry until she gets butterfly tattoos and flashes David Letterman."
Hungarian Horntail, fic writer

"Okay, what is the big deal? So Emma Watson drinks beer. Whatever. My friend Lauren started drinking beer when she was twelve, and she's totally fine, if you don't count the Porshe wrapped around the telephone pole."
glitterangel735, fangirl

"I'm going to send her a bezoar in case she accidentally drinks some poisoned mead. And because I'd love to shove a stone from the stomach of a goat down her throat."
Evanesco, disgruntled fan

"Yet another reason to bring back After-School Specials."
Lucius Barbie, mod
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