Marauder The Slash Nymph, NEW MOM (marauderthesn) wrote in themandrake,
Marauder The Slash Nymph, NEW MOM

Issue Six

The Mandrake
HP Fandom’s Finest News Source

Classic Fic Is Piece of Crap

Since she first came to the fandom in 2002, there has been one fic that FangedServant has heard mentioned over and over: “Harry Potter and the Endless Road”.

“I think it was the first fic someone ever recced to me,” she says, typing her review as she speaks. “I didn’t get around to reading it, though, because it doesn’t have any Ron/Draco, and I got into that pairing within my first week.”

After years of seeing the fic appear on discussions about the history of fandom and on countless rec lists, FangedServant decided it might come in handy for an essay she was writing about the history of fanon clichés. “I thought someone mentioned that it was one of the first Redeemed!Draco fics, and my essay has a pretty big section on those. Still, I didn’t really hold that against the fic, because it’s from right after PoA was written, and Redeemed!Draco probably wasn’t so old and overused then. Plus, it’s not one of those clichés that’s automatically bad.”

The forty-six chapter fic took her five days to finish; reading a sample of the reviews took her two more. And now, after years of second-hand knowledge, FangedServant has reached her own conclusion about Bottled Love’s epic saga: “It’s stupid, urple, pointless, OOC crap.

“Oh my God, how did this thing ever become a classic? If she’d written it a couple of years after she did, it might have a cult following, maybe, but I bet it probably would have just gotten lost in the back pages of some old archive that last updated pre-OotP. Harry is so utterly unrecognizable in this thing; he suddenly becomes friends with all the Slytherins and he’s got, of course, ‘Quidditch-toned muscles’. There’s this annoying sideplot with Hermione’s little sister Samantha, and there’s a pathetically dumb scene with everyone playing Truth-Or-Dare. Snape ends up with some Mary Sue Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Oh, and everybody’s eyes are ‘orbs’ all the time.”

Upon discussing the fic with her online friends, FangedServant discovered that in fact “Harry Potter and the Endless Road” was more derided than she had previously thought. “God, do I hate that drivel,” says the_golden_apples, whom FangedServant met on a message board. “It’s like no one wants to say anything bad about it because it was one of the first big fics. You’d think that after we’ve seen so much better over the years, this thing would just fade into obscurity, but no, I just saw someone rec it to a newbie last week.”

Bottled Love, who wrote “Harry Potter and the Endless Road” as a twenty-two-year-old secretary in Kentucky, left the fandom in 2003 and could not be reached for comment.

Whiny Fanbrat So Could Have Played Luna

Charlotte Overford, known online as xOrli’sGirl4Everx, so could have played Luna, and looks so much more like her than Evanna Lynch, fanbrat sources report.

“It’s definitely not fair,” says friend Claire Williams, 15, a cofounder of the site “You can tell that Evanna bleaches her hair, and Charlotte’s hair looks just like Luna’s is described in the books. She was going to go to the auditions, too, but her mum wouldn’t drive her and her older brother’s car had to go in for repairs. If they’d seen Charlotte act, I know she would’ve gotten the part. She was Helena when our school put on A Midsummer Night’s Dream last year.”

Charlotte agrees with her friend’s assessment of the situation. “I might not even see the film. Every time Evanna gets something wrong – and she will - I’ll cringe. It’s like God’s against me or something, I swear. And since when is Luna Irish? It never says that Luna is Irish.”

“I wish the bloody car had been working,” says her brother Paul Overford, 21. “Not because I think Charlotte would have come anywhere close to getting the part, but because then she’d have to accept that she got rejected flat out and maybe after a while she’d shut up. I drove home from university last weekend to grab a few things I’d left in my room, and Charlotte was having a sleepover. I walked by her room and all her friends are huddled on the floor, rocking her back and forth and whispering, ‘It’s all right, it’s all right.’ Good God. If she’s still like this at Easter, I’ll go home with my mate Roger instead.”

“And I had whole parts of the book memorized, too,” adds Charlotte, accepting another tissue from Claire. “If the script had been like the book, I could have done it from memory. There’s no way they wouldn’t have given it to me.”

Ask a Will-Gary-Oldman-Be-In-OotP Discussion

Dear Will-Gary-Oldman-Be-In-OotP Discussion,

I just found out that one of my friends (and shipmates, for Harry/Ginny) belongs to a site for twincest shippers. I really hate the idea of twincest, but the part that really scares me is that my friend herself is a twin. Now I can’t look at her and her sister without wondering if they have an incestuous relationship! She’s been really nice to me in the past, and given me a lot of help, so I don’t want to lose her as a friend. Please help me, I have no idea what to do.

Unsure of Reality

You guys, he’s totally going to be in it. His agents or whoever are just doing this so that the studio will pay him more money. It sounds like he liked being in PoA, so I don’t think there’s really anything to worry about. Everybody relax, okay?

Dear Will-Gary-Oldman-Be-In-OotP Discussion,

Are the official Ravenclaw colors blue and bronze, or blue and silver? I could swear that they’re blue and bronze, but I ran across some pictures of Ravenclaw scarves online, and they were blue and silver, like in the films. Did the film people just make a mistake? I’m a Ravenclaw and I want a scarf that corresponds with canon.

Rowena’s Girl

I am thinking that Gary oldman will be in OoP film. The fans will all want him back and he will be in it. Of this I am very sure. (Please excuse mistakes, English is not my first language.

Dear Will-Gary-Oldman-Be-In-OotP Discussion,

At what age do you think children should start reading HP? My son is eight years old, and he wants to read the books like his older brothers. He has a very high reading level for his age, but I know that once he starts the series he’ll want to go right through, and I think he’s at the age where a lot of it might scare him. He’s a very sensitive child. And if I decide he can’t read them yet, what should I tell him?

Questioning Mother

Oh my God, why would you even WANT Gary Oldman back? He didn’t have any of the nuances of Sirius’s character at all, and all we got was CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY. He doesn’t even look like him that much, so what are you people complaining about? Maybe if he’s not in it they’ll get someone better.

What Do You Think?
It’s months after the release of HBP, and debate about love potions is still going strong, particularly over whether Amortentia is a potential rape drug and whether any of the new canon romances can be attributed to it. What do you think?

“If it’s a drug, it can’t be any worse than Robert Pattinson and his seedy opium den.”
Cirdec, fanboy

“This might just be what brings the horror ship of Lily/James down. James could never change. All those jerks in high school never changed. They’re off now, in their rich fancy houses, with their trophy wives, and they don’t care that – what? Thirty-two last month.”
goreycat, MWPP hater

“I think I was on a love potion once. It was called testosterone.”
Doug Yegrofski, feeling the chest monster

“I don’t think you can blame Remus/Tonks on a love potion. I think you can blame it on the Death Eaters finding JKR, putting her under the Imperius Curse, and forcing her to write out-of-character drivel.”
Jeeves1988, Bill/Tonks shipper

“Yes, I think it’s a rape drug, which means that Voldemort is the product of his mother raping his father. It’s amazing: we have actual canon rape, and I can’t find a fic about it. Just stuff about Lucius and dark revels.”
Mock Turtle, author of “Spell of Submission”

“JKR would never put a rape drug in a children’s book! Children’s books should have things appropriate for children, like self-mutilation, torture, inbreeding, murder, and well-oiled chains for children who misbehave.”
Theresa_xoxoxo, education major
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